CAN SOMEONE TURN ON A LIGHT?!? – Alien Vs. Predator: Requiem (2007) MOVIE REVIEW

We are at Part IV of my Road To Prey review series with Alien Vs. Predator: Requiem and like I said in my previous review, I was not looking forward to revisiting this one.

When I review movies, I try to avoid the word “hate” simply because I think it is thrown around way too much by audiences and critics. I try my best to be as positive as possible and not judge too harshly. However, this is a time when a movie earns my wrath.

I hate Alien Vs. Predator: Requiem. Is it one of the worst movies ever made? No, not even close. It is, however, one of the most frustrating movies I’ve ever sat through. When I first saw it in 2007, my dumb tween mentality was: “Blood and gore mean it’s better.” But with each viewing over the years, the less and less I have enjoyed it.

YOU CAN’T SEE ANYTHING

Let’s get the big one out of the way, the lighting of Alien Vs. Predator: Requiem is atrocious. You could be watching this movie at midnight in the middle of winter on the shortest day of the year with clouds covering the entire sky and it would still be nearly impossible to see what is happening.

Now normally, when a movie gets a reputation for a certain aspect being so bad, I usually end up feeling that aspect was overblown. That is so not the case here, I despised looking at how dismal and dark this movie was shot.

This time Paul W.S. Anderson was replaced with the Brothers Strause who, from what I know, were two very new filmmakers in the business. But apparently, they were too cocky for their own good because there are actual behind-the-scenes videos of crew members trying to tell them that the scene is too dark to film and the directors just told them to “shut up.”

Maybe they should have listened because almost all of the nighttime sequences are a pain to watch. Some scenes are so dark that when someone is killed, you can’t even tell who it is. It’s only when the group gets back together in a slightly better-lit room do we know who died.

Combined with the constant shaky cam during “intense” sequences, it almost feels like a Rob Zombie movie at times. BLECH! Just being reminded of his movies puts a bad taste in my mouth.

To give an example of how dark this movie is, I am someone who almost never has problems seeing a movie. People complained that Zack Snyder movies were too dark to watch and I saw everything just fine. AVPR on the other hand was a chore to watch.

However, the lighting is only one problem with this sequel…

THESE CHARACTERS SUCK

The characters in the first Alien Vs. Predator were pretty lackluster but they are as charismatic as Dwayne Johnson in comparison to the cast of fodder we got in Requiem.

Kelly is this military Mom who comes home to an estranged relationship with her daughter and when the Xenomorph infestation comes, she has to protect her daughter and they bond over the events. It’s just like with Lex Woods from the last film where it’s clear that she’s meant to be an analog of Ellen Ripley.

Lex was more akin to Ripley in the original Alien whereas Kelly is nearly identical to Ripley in Aliens, even down to having a Newt equivalent via her daughter. As a result, Kelly ends up being the best character in my opinion but that’s really only because the rest of the characters are cardboard cutouts.

The only other one that I kinda enjoy is Dallas. It’s suggested that he went to jail but he seems like a nice guy doing his best to be a good big brother and then he becomes the kinda hero when the infestation happens.

Everyone else? I don’t even remember a single name. There’s the younger brother of Dallas who pretty much just thinks with his little Xeno in his pants. The bully and his friends. The girlfriend. The cop. The waitress. The other pizza guy. The other cop. They are all just the basic archetypes seen in thousands of horror films with little to no characterization of them.

It makes Alien Vs. Predator: Requiem feels more akin to one of the lesser Friday The 13th movies but without any of the intentional cheesiness to make it fun. Instead, Requiem always comes off as a lame creature feature film that almost has no care or passion put into it….except for one thing.

WE NEED A WOLF PREDATOR SPIN-OFF

I will continue to explain why this movie is a failure, but as I have stated, I like to always showcase the positives. When it comes to Alien Vs. Predator: Requiem, the best thing by far was the Predator who is the star of the film.

His name is Wolf, named after Harvey Keitel’s character from Pulp Fiction. From the moment he is introduced, this Predator has more going on for him than all of the human characters combined.

Wolf is missing a mandible, he has a collection of masks and the one he wears is heavily weathered with battle damage and markings from his hunts. It’s merely shown through hints that this Yautja hunter is one of the biggest and baddest hunters of their race which is why it is up to him to come to Earth and clean up the mess of the other Yautja. He’s equipped with all of the classic gadgets and some new ones including a whip made from the tail of a Xenomorph, laser mines, a powerful gauntlet mode to his wrist device, and a really neat device that creates an acid-like ooze that melts anything.

On top of all that, Wolf can do in this movie was three Yautja hunters could not in the first film: he demolishes the Xenomorph swarms with ease, fights humans, and even takes on the Abomination AKA Predalien hybrid alone.

Similar to the last movie, anytime it actually becomes Alien Vs. Predator, it is the highlight. Wolf is such an interesting character that I would actually be all for a prequel starring this Yautja and his rise to become this legendary hunter, especially since this movie shows that you can have a Predator carry scenes without it ever needing dialogue.

THE PREDALIEN IS A WASTED CONCEPT

In the games and even in the comics, the Predalien is this highlight, or even in the 2010 reboot game, it was the final boss of the Predator campaign. It’s always utilized well but that is not the case in the film.

The only real thing that distinguishes the Predalien of the movie is the fact that it can produce multiple Xenomorphs by face-hugging someone with its mandibles. A decent idea but it turns icky (and not in an interesting way) when he does it to an already pregnant woman…multiple times throughout. There is shock value and then there is tasteless and this mostly comes off as the latter.

Other than that, the Predalien is essentially treated as a bigger Xenomorph. The only time where I thought the Predalien was starting to get better as a villain was when he finally battled Wolf. It’s a fun fight (despite it needing better lighting) but nothing amazing.

MORE ALIEN THAN PREDATOR

Even though the Predator ends up being the real hero of this story, he’s sadly a supporting character throughout. Most of Alien Vs. Predator: Requiem focuses on the humans dealing with a Xenomorph infestation in the small town of Colorado.

Once again, a neat concept, and it is something different for this franchise. However, when you don’t care about the characters’ survival, I don’t feel as much dread. So, Requiem ends up turning into a generic story about a small town being plagued by an alien menace which had been done a plethora of times over the decades.

That’s the other biggest issue I have with AVPR. Never once does it actually feel like an Alien or Predator film except for maybe a few scenes with Wolf. While the first film may not have taken place on an alien planet, it did not have the Colonial Marines, and it went for a modern-day setting, Alien Vs. Predator still felt like it loved and belonged in the franchises it was crossing together.

IT’S R-RATED AGAIN…COOL?

The directors were really happy to show off how R-rated it is. Oh yeah, great. You show a ton of really graphic gore and while some of the kills are decent, they come off as super edgy. It doesn’t enhance the threat levels or disturb me in any way, it just makes me feel like the movie is going overboard with a complaint about the first movie.

Yes, Alien and Predator being R-rated should be the norm. However, most Alien and Predator movies back it up with stakes, tension, good characters, and a good story. I know I’m just coming off as a broken record at this point but that’s just how this movie gets to me. Every little thing that almost feels like a step in the right direction is immediately met with something else that sends the movie ten steps backward.

OVERALL THOUGHTS

I don’t like ranting and raving so I’m going to cut this review short. In short, Alien Vs. Predator: Requiem is the epitome of a wasted concept. It takes every nugget of potential it has and squanders it to become this generic sci-fi horror that makes its titular monsters feel like an afterthought.

It’s not scary, the action is not impressive, and it has easily the worst set of characters out of both Alien and Predator franchises. There are worse movies in both franchises in my opinion, but this one might be the most frustrating. I’m going to rate Alien Vs. Predator: Requiem with a 4/10. I say skip this one unless you really want to see Wolf but then I’d just say watch clips on YouTube.

Thankfully, the series would rise from the ashes once again in 2010 with Predators and I for one am excited to review that sequel.

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